Some funnies I came up with, myself:
Death comes to you and says that you'll die in your late 80. Now, if you kill yourself, did you cheat on death?
Some funnies from Star Trek: Voyager:
"If we don't get more power to the warp drive, we're all gonna have to get out and push." - Paris
"According to my readings, you are not here." - Viidian
"Let's see: you shot it with phasers, ran the ship through it, and blasted a hole with a photon torpedo. Well, yes, I believe it is hurt." - The Doctor
"You know, I'm really easy to get along with, most of the time. But I don't like bullies, and I don't like threats and, I don't like you!" - Captain Janeway
Some funnies from www.jokes4u.com and other:
Three men were sitting on an island near the shore, meditating. The first one stood up and started walking towards the shore, on the water. The second man stood up and started walking on the water, towards the shore, as well. then the third man stood up thinking: "if they can do it, so can I", and started running. As soon as he reached the water he fell in. He got back and tried a few more times, but he was unsuccessful. Back at the shore, the first man tells to the other: "What do you think, should we tell him where the stones are?"
A teacher came into his class and asked the students: "If there are any idiots here, please stand up, and remain standing!". The class was confused for a few seconds, when of the students stood up. "Why do you think that you're idiot?", asked the teacher. The student replied: "I'm not, but I can stand seeing you standing up there alone!"
A paratrooper was scared to jump out of the plane, 'cause it was his first real jump. Commander came and said: "If something happens to your parachute, and it won't open, you just shout "Bhudda! Bhudda!" and he will save you." He listened him and jumped out and the parachute really got stuck. He tried everything, and it didn't open. He remembered and started shouting "Bhudda! Bhudda!" Suddenly a arm came out of skies and grab him. He was so happy that he survived and said: "Thank you, God!", and the arm dropped him.
A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother with
the following question. "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"
The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that
your bride is pure."
The son thanks his mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"
The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household
appliances come in white."